State of Denial Address

2003-01-29 - 9:59 a.m.

The State of the Union Address last night is up for an Emmy for "Best Comedy Special."

In fact, the whole affair was so comical, W. has taken all of the fun out of making fun of it. Having said that, I will derive no pleasure from the fun I'm about to make.

Georgie wants to go to war, can you tell? He talked for just over an hour, and only 10-15 minutes of that wasn't about war with Iraq. The most interesting part of his war-drum-beating rhetoric was watching the uniformed military types sit quietly still. I thought for a moment that they were just being stoic and disciplined, but then they stood and clapped when W. complimented the American military. That means our military supports our military, but they don't support this war. I think that might have been the coolest display of passive resistance I've seen.

Friday night was when Georgie started practicing his speech. That means he had Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and most of Tuesday to practice saying, "Kreen Penichula." I wonder how the people of the Korean Peninsula felt about having their geographic region renamed (twice, he did it twice even!).

The tough issues for Georgie were made easier to talk about by mushing them all into a two minute montage. If you sneezed, or needed a glass of water, you missed how he dealt with the delicate subjects on our minds. Here's basically what he said, "If you have anything in common with a poor to middle class, black, gay, pro-choice, woman, then I hate you. Unless, of course, you live in Africa and have 'the AIDS' in which case I will do anything in the taxpayers' money's power to forward Bible-approved medical science to find a cure for you because I love all of the countries of this world - except Iraq, North Korea, China, France, Germany, Syria, Libya, Iran, Cuba, Sudan, Serbia, Rwanda, Colombia, and every one that ends in '-guay' or '-istan.'"

I watched the Address expecting to be angry, confused, scared, and stunned by our goat-fucking President, and the rich, blind, morons who continue to let him play at world leadership. In that regard, the only good I can say of the Address is that I wasn't disappointed.