Potty, coffee, and lawyers.

2003-01-31 - 2:53 p.m.

I've never been a woman, not once, not even for a minute, so I have no clue about the frustrations they go through with men who leave the toilet seat up. Being an insensitive male, I would think they'd be much happier about a toilet seat being up, than being left down with piss all over it, but that's besides the point. The point is I have no frame of reference for how frustrating the seat left up is.

Regardless of having no frame of reference, I'm going to go ahead and assume that the frustration pales in comparison to my frustration with assholes who can't be bothered making a new pot of coffee after they empty the last one into their cup.

We even have nice coffee makers here at the firm, you know, the ones that are connected to a water supply so there's no filling the pot and pouring it into the back of the maker. Nope, it's just filter, coffee, "On" button. Those instructions went by pretty quickly, so I'll say them again: filter, coffee, "On" button.

My coslave suggests that lawyers are simply too important to make coffee, and maybe he's right. Nevertheless, hear me now, lawyers, you inconsiderate, soulless sacks of shit: I'm deeming myself too important to rescue you from a burning car, too important to stop you from being mugged, too important to help you up when you slip and fall, too important to leave your office when I have to take a shit. Karma's a bitch, you worthless fuck-stains, and some day, someone's going to build a Starbuck's on your mama's grave. EEEEAAHHHH!!!!

"Hi, I'm dug, I'm here for the eight o'clock anger management course. What? Help myself to some coffee? Why, thank you."