Women Beware!

2003-05-16 - 4:11 p.m.

It's been brought to my attention that the number one danger women face today is me.

At least, that's how I feel. My first ladyfriend accused me of raping her, which was a lot for me to handle (she has since retracted that accusation, after it fucked with my head for about 5 years). The second fingers me as being the cause of her psychological issues. The third and last has gone so far as to name me as the source of her physical ailments (thyroid problems and the such).

Now, I'm sure that I should be somewhat flattered that I have been given superhuman powers, but I'm too busy feeling bad about the fact that I seem to use those powers and my evil genius brain to villainous ends. Sure, to the uninformed observer, I look like an average guy who makes mistakes, who just can't get relationships right, who has the same insecurities and fears normal people do, but that's my gimmick. I am really a wolf in Grandma's clothing, Red, so beware!

I don't know what to say about this. I guess I'm hurt and angry. It upsets me that it's more plausible of a scenario to people that I am some omnipotent evil incarnate with a forked tongue than to let bygones be, or furthermore, accept responsibility for their own shortcomings (gasp!).

Am I a saint? Fuck no! I have cheated and lied. I get mad. Sometimes I'm distant, aloof, cold. I get defensive. I'm a sexaholic. I make bad decisions, sometimes frequently. I'm jealous and sensitive (in the bad way). I swear. I can be impatient, obstinate, judgmental, uncommunicative. My voice can get loud. In fact, I possess almost* every bad quality a male romantic interest could.

The big "but" here is that underneath all of that, I don't want to hurt people. I really, honestly have good intentions. If I'm not the right boy for a girl (which I'm obviously not, haven't you been reading?) then I hope she finds one who is. I like to think of myself as an essentially good person. Misunderstood, maybe, but good.

I guess the bottom line is nobody likes having their faults pointed out, and I don't like having my faults exaggerated to comic book proportions.

* I say "almost" there because there are some things I won't do. I won't rape, I won't hit, I won't intentionally fuck your brain up, and there's no way in hell I'll give you cancer.