Drugged Bacon

2002-03-21 - 2:23 p.m.

Stereo, I want it all.

I got a new stereo yesterday and I wish I was home touching it right now. It's dead sexy and I'd like to mount it and ride it places. If there was some way I could get my stereo to mate with my bed and my pc and maybe a fridge, I'd be all set. Then I could plug all that shit (except my bed) into my head and run it all off of brainwaves. I could just lay around being a lazy pile o'crap all day. I could figure out some work-at-home scheme to keep myself supported proper.

That probably wouldn't work out though. I'd gain weight and lose muscle and would be easy prey for invading Space Monkeys looking to enslave fat bastards like me on Earth. No sir, I will not allow that to happen. I must continue diligently in my work, no matter how boring and tedious, to prove my worth and strength to society and Space Monkeys alike. I may be nothing more than a slave now, but at least I don't have to answer to a damned dirty ape.

Isn't it odd that there aren't any superheroes in this world? 6 billion people and not one of them has any sort of superhuman abilities in the crime fighting department. Superman wouldn't let Space Monkeys make me do their bidding.

So I guess the real question here is: Why is Benadryl legal, but marijuana isn't?

I've taken some of that damned Benadryl to clear up my head. It cleared up my snot, but my mind is like a toaster in a bathtub. I find that potent antihistamines give me such an overwhelming feeling of apathy. I don't feel better, per se, but I don't care what I feel like. That's the trick right there. Instead of the placebo effect, it removes my ability to care about any sort of effect.

Allow me to illustrate my apathy point further by telling you about the smell that caught my attention this morning whilst ambling about the office. The smell was unmistakably the scent of something burning. I would imagine that isn't something to be taken lightly 18 floors in the air. It was strong too. I stopped for a bit, walked around to zero in on the general area from which the smell was being emitted, and then continued on my way. I didn't alert the proper authorities. I didn't alert improper ones either. I told no one of the early warning signs of the natural, destructive force that I had noticed. My thinking was this: either someone will find it and do something about it, or it'll get a little out of hand and I'll get to go home early on account of a flaming workplace (burning, son, not homosexual. This is San Fran so there ain't no way they'll send you home for a gay infestation. This place would be unbearably boring if not for our gay population. Bless them every one).

Yeah, so I was going to let the place burn on the odd chance I'd get a half-day out of it. Benadryl is pure evil folks. Apathy = Bad.

I think I had a train of thought there somewhere, but I'm distracted by my monitor right now. It appears to be slowly moving away from me. My eyelids are becoming way too heavy for me to keep open on my own too.

Where the hell is Superman anyway?