Them's Fighting Words!

2002-06-26 - 2:11 p.m.

What to do, what to do?

I've recently found out that I am abusive. I abuse my significant other verbally with my use of poo-poo language. When we fight, and I get frustrated, I get potty mouth. Ka-ka words are offensive to her and hurt her feelings. At first I didn't think that my use of colorful language was bad enough to be considered "emotional abuse." I never said I'd hit her, or threatened her in any way. I never told her she was stupid or fat or ugly or any of the more obvious forms of verbal abuse. But, for turds and giggles, I did a bunch of research online today, studying social implications of swearing, emotional and verbal abuse, as well as the differences between men and women in regards to conversational interaction.

What I learned is that I'm a very bad man. According to studies, I'm in the first stage of a three part cycle of abuse (beginning with verbal, then physical and lastly sexual). My girlfriend, who is moving in tomorrow, should actually be trying to escape me any way possible. The articles I read told me that I'm insecure and inarticulate, and that I need to use curse words to feel that I'm in control of things. My expressing anger through taboo linguistics is detrimental to her, and our relationship as a whole.

I am a menace to society. You may think that's an exaggeration, but when you think about the fact that there are support groups, self-help books, counselors, prescription drugs, and entire areas of study dedicated to helping people cope with "my kind," you come to realize the danger that I pose.

The good news is, there's hope for me. I can be saved from my path of destruction. I could start saying things like "darn" or "gosh" more often, and use an even, soothing tone when I'm upset. I could go to an anger management class and learn constructive ways of dealing with all degrees of rage. One article even suggested I start a diary as a way of expressing myself. Maybe I'll try that someday.

The dripping sarcasm probably leads you to think that I don't agree with the articles I read today, but that's not the case. I do agree with much of what I read. You should never hit people out of anger. You should never tell a girl they're worthless, fat, stupid, ugly, et cetera. You shouldn't prohibit someone from getting a job, going to school, having friends, or leaving the house to placate your gender insecurities.

The thing that I find to be horseshit (doh!) is the vague, all encompassing blanket of blame that many of the articles had. Most would have you believe that any man who isn't mild, supportive, unopinionated, and in constant and complete control of his emotional spectrum is an immediate threat to womandom. I am guilty of many of the "red flags" of an abusive person, but infrequently, and sometimes circumstantially. Heaven forbid you try to make excuses for your bad behavior though, because that's what is called "denial."

I've been wrong many times before, and I'm probably wrong now, but I think we live in a colorful world. The fact that our brains process visual information in Technicolor leads me to believe that we aren't meant to view things in black and white. I may use naughty words when I'm angry, but I also use naughty words when I'm happy, depressed, pensive, amorous, et cetera. I'm very abusive towards Mr. Douglas Dale Meierdiercks, but there nobody in the medical world seems to have a problem with beating up on your best friend (besides, he has his ways of balancing things).

So, in summation, I have my bad moments, but they're not dangerous. I can recognize when I've done wrong and I can admit that and ask for forgiveness accordingly. Stress and frustration are tough to deal with for everyone, and nobody's perfect. Nevertheless, don't hurt people just for the sake of hurting them. The bottom line is this: Love your woman the best you can as often as you can and always do better tomorrow.